The wheels have hit the ground full speed, and boy it's been a harder adjustment than I ever predicted. During a 5 month period I've gone through 3 different stages: the Honeymoon, the Irritable and the Break Down stages. This is something I had never dealt with before, but I've been told by several seasoned FS spouses that what I have been experiencing is totally "normal", and that these stages will be revisited every time we are at a new post.
The "Honeymoon" stage was when we first moved to DC and everything was so exciting. A new job for my husband, living in a gorgeous city with tons of things to do: museums, restaurants, theatre, nightlife, shopping, etc...I felt like a kid in a candy shoppe. I was out and about almost everyday exploring and getting to know the area.
A couple months after, the "Irritability/Frustration" settled in. Mind you, Billy and I have always been glued to the hip. When he was in law enforcement he had the occasional 2-4 day training and once in a blue moon he would be asked to travel. Now fully trained and ready to start his new assignment, and as predicted, Billy is starting to travel a lot. Even though we make decisions together, and this 2 year assignment is something we talked about and agreed upon, I was not as prepared as I thought. The adjustment may have been easier if he chose to work out of a field office. Instead we chose a different route. A route that involves a 2 year assignment and requires him to travel at minimum 50% of the time. Once he finished training for DS as well as in his specialized field, it felt as if Billy was all of a sudden gone. Then reality set in, here I was in a new city with little to no friends, while my husband was off having a life, traveling the world, making contacts, and loving his new job.
I started feeling a bit jealous and sorry for myself, and although self-diagnosed, I believe I fell into a small state of depression. I would literally break down in tears from time to time, and I felt very isolated and angry. Why was I in this new city, with no friends while my husband traveled? Why did I give up my job, my friends, our house in Beaufort to come and live alone half of the time? Why did I miss him so much? Why did I feel so co-dependent? All these questions and emotions ran through my head. So, needless to say, this was my "Break Down" stage.
I was not made aware of these stages until I attended a seminar by a retired DS spouse on Cultural Adjustment of the Foreign Service. I felt like this meeting couldn't have come at a better time for me. It was so helpful and it opened my eyes to what an unique but challenging lifestyle the Foreign Service is. Moving from country to country every 2 years has its allure, but uprooting so frequently can take its toll. This meeting also made me realize that our spouses are sometimes just as stressed, scared, worried as we are. They just express it in different ways. After all, Billy may be traveling to beautiful countries quite often, but then again, he is working, and working long hours at that. Long flights, jet lag, hotel after hotel, meals on the go, all is taxing on a body. I know he misses his home. I know he misses us.
In the meantime, I am discovering that this new life is making me stronger. I am experiencing new sides of my inner self had I not been put into this current situation. The world has a way of preparing us for what's to come, and I feel that is what is happening to me. I am grateful for my close friends and family who continue to be a leaning shoulder for me. Most important, I am thankful for my loving husband, who even though far away at times, always makes our relationship top priority. Now a days, I am having to learn to literally just take one day at a time and live in the moment.
The "Honeymoon" stage was when we first moved to DC and everything was so exciting. A new job for my husband, living in a gorgeous city with tons of things to do: museums, restaurants, theatre, nightlife, shopping, etc...I felt like a kid in a candy shoppe. I was out and about almost everyday exploring and getting to know the area.
A couple months after, the "Irritability/Frustration" settled in. Mind you, Billy and I have always been glued to the hip. When he was in law enforcement he had the occasional 2-4 day training and once in a blue moon he would be asked to travel. Now fully trained and ready to start his new assignment, and as predicted, Billy is starting to travel a lot. Even though we make decisions together, and this 2 year assignment is something we talked about and agreed upon, I was not as prepared as I thought. The adjustment may have been easier if he chose to work out of a field office. Instead we chose a different route. A route that involves a 2 year assignment and requires him to travel at minimum 50% of the time. Once he finished training for DS as well as in his specialized field, it felt as if Billy was all of a sudden gone. Then reality set in, here I was in a new city with little to no friends, while my husband was off having a life, traveling the world, making contacts, and loving his new job.
I started feeling a bit jealous and sorry for myself, and although self-diagnosed, I believe I fell into a small state of depression. I would literally break down in tears from time to time, and I felt very isolated and angry. Why was I in this new city, with no friends while my husband traveled? Why did I give up my job, my friends, our house in Beaufort to come and live alone half of the time? Why did I miss him so much? Why did I feel so co-dependent? All these questions and emotions ran through my head. So, needless to say, this was my "Break Down" stage.
I was not made aware of these stages until I attended a seminar by a retired DS spouse on Cultural Adjustment of the Foreign Service. I felt like this meeting couldn't have come at a better time for me. It was so helpful and it opened my eyes to what an unique but challenging lifestyle the Foreign Service is. Moving from country to country every 2 years has its allure, but uprooting so frequently can take its toll. This meeting also made me realize that our spouses are sometimes just as stressed, scared, worried as we are. They just express it in different ways. After all, Billy may be traveling to beautiful countries quite often, but then again, he is working, and working long hours at that. Long flights, jet lag, hotel after hotel, meals on the go, all is taxing on a body. I know he misses his home. I know he misses us.
In the meantime, I am discovering that this new life is making me stronger. I am experiencing new sides of my inner self had I not been put into this current situation. The world has a way of preparing us for what's to come, and I feel that is what is happening to me. I am grateful for my close friends and family who continue to be a leaning shoulder for me. Most important, I am thankful for my loving husband, who even though far away at times, always makes our relationship top priority. Now a days, I am having to learn to literally just take one day at a time and live in the moment.
Claudia, You have such a balanced view on life. I love it! I'm so glad you're seeking out the support that is available to you! You are an amazing woman. Billy couldn't do what he does without you, chica! Love ya and miss ya, Heather
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