This week has been extra hard not having Billy around. The last time I felt these strong emotions was when he left on his first trip with the detail. He's been gone 5 days and there is still 8 more days to go. But that doesn't mean he'll stay home for long. There will be more and more trips to follow. Within the last 10 months, he's visited 17 countries. He'll end up visiting several more before this post ends; 14 months from now. For some reason that seems like an eternity.
I know there are hungry children, people being mistreated, horrible accidents, illnesses, poverty, etc... And in the grand scheme of things, my issues are trivial. But when you truly love someone and enjoy their company and presence it does have an emotional effect when they're not around. I keep myself busy by working, volunteering, exercising, hanging out with friends, taking Dante to the dog park, but there is still a void that lingers when my husband is not around.
A couple years ago, I never imagined we'd be apart from each other so much. It's not fun and it's not always easy. At times there are feelings of resentment, loneliness and sadness. Granted I have been on trips with him so we can spend time together, but my mind plays tricks on me once in a while. It's sometimes hard to detach myself from the equation and not take it personally, but deep down I know the true answers. I know Billy honestly loves me with all his heart and is devoted to me. Plus, I agreed to this assignment because I truly love him and want him to accomplish and fulfill all his dreams. If the roles were reversed I know he would do the same for me. In the meantime, I will embrace these days and acknowledge my feelings, but also remind myself that my husband is one of the good ones and he's definitely worth the sacrifice.
No comments:
Post a Comment